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I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
If you can’t face it, moon it.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
If the shoe fits, buy it.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.