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Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.