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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!