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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: Iām getting laid.....off.
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
If Iām not eating Iām most likely not happy.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!