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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.