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I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
Condoms prevent minivans.
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.