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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
Iām glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective