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If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.