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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when Iām making a questionable decision for my life.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.