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According to my nipples, summer is over
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.