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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.