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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.