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Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!