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I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.