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I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?