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If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
Being alive is so expensive.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.