Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
My life coach just benched me.
Survival rule #1: Don`t go first.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?