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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.