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I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...