Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.