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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.