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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
Bacon...need I say more
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.