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If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”