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I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson