Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
I play hard to get along with.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.