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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords