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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem