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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
You can test my patience all you want, but Iām never going to pass.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even Iām not sure if Iām kidding or not.
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!