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The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"