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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?