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I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
facebooked yo mama!!!
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.