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The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?