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I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.