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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?