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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I never thought Iād be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Iām starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.