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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.