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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
Iām so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.