Daily Silly Status

"I`d hit that" -old people who drive

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.

If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?

I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.

R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.

Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.

I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.

I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.

ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable

I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"

If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?

I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.

A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.

Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.

Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.