Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
This day needs more tomfoolery!
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?