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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?