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It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.