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The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
No pants are the best pants.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?