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Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
The older I get the better I used to be.