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Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.