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"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
It´s never to late to be happy
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why