Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
This is a lousy dating site.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
Tieam... problem solved
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.