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I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.