Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?