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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.