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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
Never trust a skinny chef
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D