Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.