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Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
My inner self is in Photoshop
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.