Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?