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I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.