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Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I`M ASKING THEM"
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.