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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.