Daily Silly Status

I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.

i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)

Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.

Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.

There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."

That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML

Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.

Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.

You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.

I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.

This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel

Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.

Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.

You say hangover. I say out of booze.

I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks