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You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
The ski racks on my car say I’m fun, adventurous, and can’t figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.