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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
I drink coffee for your protection.
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
Technically, every picture is a before picture.