Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"