Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.