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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Is there another word for synonym?
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!