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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.