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I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I`m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
So can we just skip to summer now?
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape