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I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.